my blood is rushing through my veins like a fire is following and every tiny cell is trying to survive being burned.

the heat rises up from the street and forms warm boxes around us all. i am in an all day quest for water and air conditioning. i walk in and out of party supply stores looking for a paper fan.

seeds of my history pop up and float out like those little ghosts in a pac-man game. i am trying to chase them, eat them, destroy them, embrace them...but they always float away too fast so i am just chomping my way through circumstance.

i am trying to put my finger on every day, but it's all so slippery. if i grab it it will kill me or at least make me cry like a banshee for several hours or days even. crawl down into the dark, soft blankets and settle into some misery.

it's there. it's here. i need to either fight it off or invest in a heavy dose of paxil.