I am craving salt and sugar like a crazy animal. I am ingesting insane amounts of chocolate and it has nothing to do with PMS. Chocolate injections are sounding like a good idea...or just chain me up to a salt lick and bring me a glass of water every few hours. What the hell is going on?

Backed Up Entry #10 (Nowhere In Particular)

I want to take an Improv class. I also want to take voice and guitar lessons. I also want to take a few classes at the New School. Most of all, I would like to stop procrastinating.

Los Angeles left the other day to go back to Los Angeles (hardy har har.) Amazingly, she is the first houseguest we have had that we actually miss having around. We consider it a miraculous thing when we meet someone we can stand for more than 8 hours at a time never mind over 2 weeks. It was fun. This leads me to the next topic of discussion: I have been having a very hard time dealing with the public lately. Every time I leave the house I get pissed off. Maybe it�s the humidity but maybe it�s just one too many stupid people in the gene pool. Yesterday I caused a stir in the park and it went a little something like this:

A fundamentalist Christian group set themselves up in the park across from our house. Microphones, puppets, sound system and the whole shebang. They were standing in the park shouting about how we are all sinners and we are all going to hell if we don�t accept Jesus into our lives. Now I�m all for freedom of speech, but when I am trying to enjoy a walk through the park with my dog and I have someone yelling at me....I�m going to yell back.

I went right up to the preacher; arms folded and started laughing hysterically at everything he said. He said, �And Jesus rose from the dead. He rose uuuuuuup from the dead!�

and I yelled �Awwww come on! Get outta town! You can�t rise up from the dead!�

so he says �Jesus can do anything. You too can be saved.�

�But what if you�re a Jew or a Buddhist or a Homosexual?�

He didn�t know what to say. So then I started heckling him and his people came up to me with flyers and propaganda. I told them to �Remember Jonestown� and reiterated the fact that they were full of shit. Anyway, I managed to boot the whole group out of the park. The day before, Popsicle did the same thing. She got a whole parade of people to chase them out of the park. Today they had their little Christian spies following us around to see what we were saying. If you are going to get on a bus and come to my city, stand in my park and tell me I�m going to hell you�d better prepare to have a confrontation. South Carolina my ass.

Backed Up Entry #9 (A Broadway Stage)

Avenue Q is the best show I have seen on Broadway in a long time. It is an amazing show. If you see one Broadway show this year, make it Avenue Q. Smart as hell with lyrics and ditties that will stick in your head for weeks.

Backed Up Entry #8 (My Email Inbox)

How someone can completely fuck you over and then send you a �nice� email is beyond my comprehension. I used to be good friends with this woman who ended up treating me like shit and saying horrible things to me, then I get an email from her that talks about love and peace and blah blah. Maybe if I was a complete gullible moronic asshole I would bend over and write her back BUT you see, I have a shitlist that is flexible and a shitlist that is written in stone. This woman is on the stone one. People bother me.

Backed Up Entry #7 (Upstate NY)

The place is nice. Bed and Breakfast by the lake. I�m here with Los Angeles for a show in the B&B�s cabaret room. All of the suites have a different theme and we are in the butterfly themed room. We came in, dropped our shit down and took an hour nap. I raided the refrigerator while Los Angeles did her first show. The crowd was really into the show and I could hear them laughing and it was making me laugh so I couldn�t read. I watched the second show and helped sell CD�s. A lot of people all over asking for autographs and such. It was over a 2 hour ride to get here that means it�s the same amount of time to get back which is good because I need all of the scenery and memories I can get. I have had writers block for 3 days. Interestingly, I have written some amazing material when I am 3 sheets to the wind. I wake up the next day to 3 pages of prose that I don�t remember writing. As of late I have been a drinker with a writing problem.

Backed Up Entry #6 (Alcohol Induced Stupor Somewhere Around 4am)

Monroe came over tonight and we watched �Meet The Feebles� a sick, sick puppet film directed by Peter Jackson. We were drinking all night and having a good time. Monroe drank two bottles of wine and ended up very sad, as wine is known to do. A bottle and a half into the evening, he thought it would be entertaining to challenge Los Angeles to a duel. They had a brief altercation about who said what to whom and yada yada ridiculous and Monroe ended up very upset and crying in the backyard. I remembered why I try to stay away from wine. He is very sensitive to the way Los Angeles acts with him, I think because he looks up to her as a performer. We tried to calm him down a notch and he was deposited safely into a taxi around 3:30am.

Los Angeles and I continued to vodka it up in the living room while Popsicle slept obliviously in the hammock outside. By the end of the night, I was crying as well. Los Angeles and I were saying goodnight and she started talking about how she felt like my mother and I felt like the daughter she never had and that she would always be there for me and I said �Thank You. I need that now, you know.� and I started sobbing my head off because it made me realize my mother is dead. It made me realize how badly I want to have a mother. So, Los Angeles touched that place in me and I cried in her arms for quite some time. It was a good release and it was something that I needed. I�m sure that the alcohol played a part in all of this evenings mushiness but I�m glad we get all sappy instead of belligerent. It�s certainly a good way to weed those who have big hearts from those who are assholes.

Backed Up Entry #5 (A Bridal Suite In Wayne, NJ)

�in a room where every other piece is painted gold and gold webs weave around inside the mirrors. i am watching heavy stillness fight off the air. the quiet and i are having a staring contest. if someone burst through the door right now and took a photograph of me it might be aptly titled �vacant� but i am just absorbing the environment. chameleon changes her eye color like new pairs of shoes. changes her skin tone to match the walls. chameleon surrenders her flesh to fabric, brick, stone, trees and mud. she crawls down where it�s hollow and her breathing echoes. she crawls up onto cliffs and they become her bones. chameleon doesn�t dream, she is the dream.�

Los Angeles is doing a show here in New Jersey and I volunteered to help her cell CD�s, which meant waking up at an ungodly hour after accruing about 4 hours of sleep total. The show was great and the audience was appreciative and had a great time. Best of all, the dressing room is actually a garish bridal suite, which is helping me bulk up on my descriptions of places. Indeed. I wrote about 2 pages about the tackiness of the decor and what you see above is an excerpt. Sure to come in handy one day if I ever write fiction, I�m sure.

Backed Up Entry # 4 (Living room. Air Conditioning Full Blast)

Auditioned for a fashion editorial of a spoken word performer yesterday. Today I went and read an anti-Bush piece at a TV studio in midtown. Dressed up in a 1940�s starlet montage scarf and black dress while the heat and humidity sent my temperature up and my mood down. The reading went great and I am looking forward to getting the video for my reel. It is too hot to exist in NYC. I find myself missing San Francisco more and more.

Backed Up Entry #3 (Somewhere on Fire Island)

Popsicle, Los Angeles and I are sitting in the living room contemplating the best way to avoid the clamor of Gay Pride weekend. We decided to take off and go to Fire Island. We packed up our bags and headed down to catch the boat. Very spur of the moment and here we are on Fire Island. It is nice to be away from the city but Los Angeles and I are sitting here bored out of our minds. Popsicle likes the beach, so she is in her glory but Los Angeles and I detest the beach and sunrays so we are hibernating inside watching TV and eating salad. Last night we broke out the vodka and Trivial Pursuit and we all played until we were unconscious. That was fun. I wouldn�t be hopped up to return here to Fire Island again, but it was a nice change of pace.

Backed Up Entry # 2 ( A Cafe in the Village)

I was invited to read some of my spoken word pieces at a popular cafe here in the village. It was a good learning experience. What I learned is that the cafe crowd responds better to my humorous pieces and the nightclub/dyke crowd responds better to the political pieces. Perhaps it was just in this case. A lot of people came up to me after I read and complimented me. A lot of people were also asking me to stay around but I had to leave because it was too goddamn hot in there. It was a good confidence builder and a good impetus to write more witty pieces, because after listening to the recording of the show I realized I am able to make people laugh. Who knew?

Backed Up Entry #1 (Somewhere toward the end of June)

Sitting backstage at a popular gay nightclub in Gotham. Some of NYC�s most famous drag queens dress, undress, apply makeup and wigs. I observe the scene with amusement and wonder. The ability to craft your own body into art is such an amazing thing. My friend Los Angeles is singing here tonight and we have tagged along. She will be the only real woman on stage tonight. The thump, thump, thump of techno and disco lets me in on the rhythm of the 80�s. This, and an unruly amount of glitter give me the feeling that I am at a carnival. Something a few chutes and ladders removed from glamour. I am absorbed in watching one of the queens apply eyelashes with the skill of a sculptor when all of a sudden a queen breaks wind in the corner and the illusion is completely broken. Los Angeles gets up, looks disgusted and heads for the other side of the room while Popsicle and I fight off a fierce gag reflex.