Poisoned Punch Bowl

a diary of thought.








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www.poisonedpunchbowl.com
2003-08-22
6:01 p.m.


Thursday:

Walking through waves of tourists in shorts and sneakers. They wear shirts with cartoon images or slogans of the moment. They push baby carriages and wear sticky ice cream residue around their slightly parted lips. Their children run from store to store shrieking from lemonade and fudge sugar highs. The sun hits my shoulders and a tall man in a Mickey Mouse tee shirt stares at me like my hair is on fire. His 2.5 children skip around his feet, his wife eats fudge double-fisted, they talk about the weather like the sun is something new. �Goddamn heterosexuals! Go to Martha�s Vineyard!� we scream, frustrated beyond belief. Provincetown after all, is a gay resort and we can�t help but notice the abundance of gangly legged, dorky families walking up and down the strip staring at the queers like we�re the ones who don�t belong. Thank god they make you wait to get a gun permit.

Friday:

Since our arrival here in Ptown we have become somewhat celebrities. I don�t know how or why but we must be working a good groove. People stop us on the streets all the time with compliments, and it has been happening to me so often that I am lucky my ego doesn�t explode from over stimulation. I can�t even walk down the street to get a cup of coffee without having to say �Thank You� to at least a handful of people. I had no idea I was so fabulous. Seriously. This is all very surprising to me. On a similar note, Popsicle is getting so aggravated because people keep coming up to her thinking she is Lea Delaria. You see, Lea is in town doing a show and people keep coming up to Popsicle saying �Great show last night!� and she�s like �I�m not Lea FUCKING Delaria.� This has been happening over and over again. The other day these guys were so convinced she was Lea that they didn�t believe her when she said she wasn�t. It has become quite funny actually. I�ve had the biggest old crush on Lea for the longest time, but now that I am married I shouldn�t be admitting to it.

Random Day:

We have made so many new friends in our short time here. Fabulously wonderful and engaging people. This is an amazing statement because I very rarely meet people that I genuinely like. The fact that I am now surrounded by multitudes of people whose company I actually enjoy is amazing to me. Usually, I can tolerate people for about 10 minutes but I am really starting to enjoy being a socialite. We went to see a great show tonight. There are so many incredibly talented people here.

Can�t remember the day:

Watch out kids, this girl is hung. I should know better than to drink until the room starts to spin. I have sand between my toes and have only a vague remembrance of walking along the beach last night. What I do remember from last night was the amazingly impromptu jam session that went down in the piano bar. This whole town shuts down at 1am (which is beyond my scope of understanding) so at a quarter to one when the main band broke down and shipped out, this amazing gospel singer came in and asked to sing. Only problem was she didn�t have any accompaniment. So she runs across the street and grabs the restaurants piano player and then grabs some random saxophonist and they come in and do the fiercest jam. Then, I was invited to read a piece so I got up and read �Old Woman� and the crowd went wild and really enjoyed it. We all ended up on the beach, I climbed the stairs to the hotel and grabbed a cookie from the jar outside of our room and passed out into oblivion. Now here I am dying of thirst and wishing that there was a 10 second cure for a hangover.

Monday?:

I am loath to admit that we went to see Lea Delaria swing Gershwin and Porter last night. I will decline to review the show. The real deal is that I just think she�s sexy even though Popsicle and everyone else I know thinks I am nuts for thinking this. Everyone I know says she�s a mean, loud, rude person. I tend to get really attracted to mean, loud, rude people if they are butch. She was very nice to me but threw Popsicle a little bit of shade.

Random Day:

We have been seeing a show every night and there are some serious queens out here and I love them. Interestingly, they love me too. Drag Queens always love me and I think it�s because they can tell that I am a drag queen trapped in a real woman�s body�and that�s a real drag.

Maybe it�s Thursday?:

I performed tonight and that was fun. I was invited to do a show during women�s week but I don�t think I�ll be able to make it back down here to do it. I have to write a few more comedic pieces to have on hand because right now I don�t have that many. We met this wonderful couple from Canada tonight. One of the women is an amazing vocalist who happened to be singing in the piano bar tonight. We all hung out on the beach until the tide began to rise and chase us out.

Saturday:

I was on the VIP list for a party that Christopher Ciccone was throwing and it was a good time. There were all of these rumors flying that his sister Madonna was going to be there which was ridiculous because she lives in London now. Anyway, he is a very nice guy and an amazing artist/photographer. I just socialized my way through the night and talked to different people and my friend Adam was there which was nice. Delaria was sitting across from us with her girlfriend (who is not femme at all) and she acted like she hadn�t met me three days before. I ignored her. I have been noticing lately that famous people can throw some serious shade. It really is awful. I was noticing at the party that certain people were being bitchy to each other and it struck me as surprising. If being famous turns you into an egomaniac then I will be happy to stay underground.

Sunday:

A nice relaxing day. The West End Salon gives the best manicure I have ever had. We decided to extend our vacation. We decided to buy a house here because this is the place we want to grow old in. When I leave here, the madness of NYC will hit me like a heart attack. Once again, we have left NYC and disaster struck. Blackout. I�m glad we missed it. Pitch black and Manhattan is not a combination I want to see. The picture of a lightless Broadway on the television sent me into a brief panic because it is just too Stephen King to be real. I have always had visions of NYC crumbling to the ground and I hope I am not living in it when it does.

Random Day:

We saw John Waters riding along on his bicycle today. Today I walked up and down Commercial Street looking for dresses but all I could find were those awful batik print dresses and wraps. Maybe I hate the batik print because I wore so much of it during our horrible Hawaiian vacation. Maybe it�s just ugly. We went to this amazing beach where old pieces of china wash up on the shore. Apparently years ago ships dumped a lot of cargo and it�s been washing up on the beach for years. I found a quarter-sized piece with a unicorn on it today, which was very special. It�s like being a kid again and searching for buried treasure.

Wednesday:

We are leaving today and we are going begrudgingly. We are leaving new friends and memories behind. We are packing up our bags and rounding up our disposable cameras, show programs and half empty bottles of vodka. We are running circles around the thoughts of all of the shit we have to catch up on when we get back to NYC. I am filled to the brim with inspiration and peace because a good vacation was a long time coming. Popsicle is as tan as hell and I have managed to get very little sun, thank god. We are rounding the corner into rural Massachusetts and the rainbows are starting to fade. People�s expressions grow cold and icy. Stoic New England. New England can be cold. I am watching people in their cars and wondering what happened to make Massachusetts so serious. One too many ice-cold winters? Too many strip malls? Thank god I got out. Thoughts are leaving heavy footprints as I engage myself with thoughts of my future, my past and the history of the planet. Long drives make me think like Stephen Hawking. I trance out and start contemplating things that are too intense.

Thursday:

New York has hit me like a ton of bricks. I have so much to catch up on. I need to write a few solid pieces. I need to catch up with friends. So ends the vacation journal.

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