Poisoned Punch Bowl

a diary of thought.








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www.poisonedpunchbowl.com
2003-04-17
7:48 p.m.


Today was curious. The kind of day best described in fragments or it�s weight makes you itchy. I couldn�t decide if today was funny or just surreal. All I know is that certain undercurrents in my life are very strange, and sometimes I tend to attract days that I thought only happen to people on television. Anyway.

As I was pulling into my driveway, I saw a swirling vortex of colors with feet. It was my next door neighbor Jimmy wearing a very loud racing jacket. He came over to my car window as I was setting the emergency brake, and boxed me into my car. I knew I was going to be trapped in conversation so I sat back in the drivers seat and relaxed.

� Hi how are you? What�s your name again? Listen, I am so upset.� he said as he squatted down to my eye level. I noticed his eyes were glassed over like someone poured milk in them.

�What�s the matter Jimmy?�

�Well they bumped up my medication. I am ready to cry. This government you know. I can�t stand the war, it�s all tearing me apart. I am so fucking pissed off. Listen, I want you to know that I love your partner. She is a real sweetie. I like you too. I love my country but hate the government. You are a very nice girl and I love all of those bumper stickers on your car...�

�Thanks, Jimmy. I...�

�I�m not a pervert. I�m just talking human being to human being. No one will mess with your car as long as I�m here. I watch out for the people on this street you know. I�m a big guy but I�m a real sweetheart. My father died, he used to ride motorcycles. Tough guy. My mother is great and look I don�t know I just had to talk to someone because I am so upset. Manic depressive you know�

I didn�t know what to say. I said,

�Manic depressive people are very creative.�

�Yeah, but look I am shaking I don�t know what to do. I used to have a pet iguana and then I got kicked out of the union. George Bush is a murderer. If you ever need help carrying stuff into your garage let me know. Nice little car you have here.�

He carried on and on. He was shaking like a leaf and he looked completely out of his mind. The guy doesn�t do drugs but he�s on the prescription kind. Psych meds. I tend to think that they can sometimes be worse than heroin. Some other neighbors came out and rolled their eyes. I would say hello to Jim in passing but never really had a conversation with him. Today I listened to him talk for almost a half hour while I sat in my car and he crouched by the window. He wasn�t making any sense.

When I came into the house and put my bag down, I realized that I understood everything he was saying. When my neighbors rolled their eyes, I wondered why they were doing that. Today I realized I have a real way with mentally unstable people. Not only do I understand what they are trying to say, but they divulge their entire lives to me. This wasn�t the first time. I must be insane.

On a related note, Tammy Faye Baker sent me an e-mail today. Not the form letter kind. Oh no, this was the real deal. I wrote her a letter to thank her for calling my partner Popsicle at home and she wrote back

�Thanks so much for your e-mail Michelle. It was a pleasure. Thanks for all of your kind words. God Bless you. Love, Tammy�

My first personal e-mail from a large celebrity. Granted, it�s that National Enquirer kind of celebrity. But I find this all very amusing. It all started at the Castro Theater. I had front row seats to a double bill featuring John Waters and Tammy Faye. My partner Popsicle couldn�t make it because she had to work, and she was really disappointed. During the show, Tammy asked if there was anyone who wanted her to call someone at their home. I opted in and she picked me. Popsicle wasn�t home so my answering machine boomed loudly in the Castro theater and Tammy left her a message. It was hilarious. I wrote her an e-mail to thank her for being such a cool Christian, and told her that even thought I wasn�t Christian she made me rethink my prejudice that all Christians are bigoted. I told her I thought Pat Robertson was an asshole for doing what he did to her and Jim and that he would get his. I can�t believe she e-mailed me back. What a cool lady.

Lots of other weird things happened today. We landed a house/apartment in NYC where a famous artist used to live, and after much bitching and moaning, I am excited to be moving back to New York. I had a conversation with my stepmother and she was really nice. I went to the tattoo parlor and booked some time to finish my arm piece. I have three weeks to finish it or I�ll have to get some other artist to pick it up in NY. Something I don�t want to do because my current artist rocks out. I rounded up a few submissions for open calls.Today was a good day.

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